Does Your Low Self-Esteem Play a Role in Your Relationship Choices?

Your friends treat you like a doormat.  At work, your peers and supervisors take advantage of you, and in your home it’s no better. Your mate disrespects you constantly. Even your children rule you. When you look into the mirror you see a worthless, unattractive soul. And what do you do about it? Nothing. You accept it as your truth. This is the story of your life, but why are you allowing such mistreatment to dictate your existence?

You might have low self-esteem. You may think, “Oh no, not me!”  But, oh yes, all signs point in your direction. Low self-esteem doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. It isn’t that you haven’t achieved a level of accomplishment in your life such as a good job, marriage or children.  Actually, you may receive a fair amount of compliments from strangers that cross your path. You may appear to have it all. But if you are constantly allowing associates in your inner circles to undermine, overlook, or put you down, leaving you feeling powerless; these are definitely qualities that demonstrate a high level of low self-esteem.

EGL recently hosted a focus group on self-esteem. We spoke with women of all ages about the subject at hand, and here is what one of the participants had to say:

“Let’s face it, I’m 40 years old. I’m a big girl.  And I want kids. My looks are just ‘ok.’  My fiancé is average. He tries to control me, but sometimes he treats me lovingly. I mean if I want to be a mother and a wife, I have to settle for him.”  – M.H., Teacher

It’s sad, but it’s real talk. Out of the woman who participated in the discussion on self-esteem, half of the focus group admitted that for various reasons they have suffered from low self-assurance. Stemming from childhood traumas, a series of bad break ups, and bouts with narrow-minded individuals (among other things), some of the focus group participants admitted that they never recovered. Regrettably, some individuals internalized the negative incidents and allowed them into their psyche.

While there are several reasons behind why you’ve acquired low self-esteem, there is one main reason to let it go: quality of life. It’s time to do some internal housecleaning, and consider doing the following  to gain respect and boost your self-assurance:

*Talk to a therapist
*Kill negative thoughts
*Join motivational groups
*Learn to say “no” to requests that go against your preferences/ethics
*Let go of unhealthy relationships that serve you no good
*Establish valuable companionships
*Update your image
*Exercise
*Empower yourself with knowledge
*Act positively
*Say daily positive affirmations
*Record accomplishments in a personal journal every night

Adopting all of these suggestions would work wonders in your life, but there is nothing wrong with taking baby steps. Commit to incorporating a few of these actions into your life and watch your quality of life sky-rocket in no time.

Written By: Tawana C. Coleman