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Some people can fall madly in love, break up and then move on to the next one soon after. Celebrities are notorious for this type of behavior! JLo’s had her fair share of serious relationships, Kim K.’s on her third marriage at only 35 years old and Taylor Swift is in love with somebody new every other day. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors but they seem to easily repossess their heart from the last lover and sell it to the next. I admire such resilience but I’m not that kind of girl. If you’ve ever struggled with moving on from an ex, this one’s for you.
“Crazy in love”
Remember that wild, passionate, barely-legal love from back in the day that had you grinnin’ from ear to ear for no damn reason? The kind of love that came out of nowhere and interrupted your life in the best way? That’s the kind of love we had, both of us rapidly approaching those infamous 20s. He was the humorous, rugged entrepreneur and I was the sassy shorty headed off to the local university. Our days were filled with matching quirks and endless laughter. It was really something special…until outside influences destroyed our trust.
“We just couldn’t get it right”
Despite countless issues and miscommunication, we lasted eight years. There weren’t any real breaks because we always found our way back to each other. ALWAYS. It was the epitome of an emotional roller-coaster! Unfortunately, we were losing ourselves more and more with each ride. I was playing wifey but we weren’t anywhere close to walking down the aisle. It was beautiful and painful and I just couldn’t do it anymore.
“I moved out but I didn’t move on“
I got my own apartment but never intended on us breaking up for good. I wanted to hit the reset button and gradually rebuild our relationship, but I knew I was taking a huge risk. It was a decision I needed to make; not one I wanted to make. He thought that was BS, so my initial attempts at reaching out were met with anger and resentment. We tried to reconnect over the next few years but sometimes he’d disappear after getting my hopes up about us working things out.
“Tunnel vision”
I had other relationships but still felt connected to my ex. I wondered why it was taking so long to get him out of my system. Why was I ready and willing to take his call whenever he decided to pop back into the picture? Why did EVERYTHING remind me of him?! I began to think something was wrong with me because this man had a permanent seat in the back of my mind. It also made it harder because I didn’t have a reason to hate him. There was no big, dramatic incident that broke us up; I had just become emotionally exhausted and needed some time apart.
“Be careful what you wish for…”
Shortly after his last disappearing act, I learned through the grapevine that the man I wanted to spend my life with recently had a baby with someone else. It hurt like hell…but finding out about this child finally set the moving on process into motion. Even if he and the baby’s mother split up or were never in a relationship at all, there was no way I could help him raise another woman’s child. I had never gotten closure because, perhaps selfishly, I believed the door was still open for us. Well now it had slammed in my face.
I was more hurt because he didn’t tell me himself and instead was spitting game in my ear. But that was the roadblock I needed to steer me in another direction. It’s tough when the mind wants to push forward yet the heart keeps holding you back. But you don’t have to be a prisoner of your past forever. We move on from our exes at our own paces, and it’s okay if you’re not getting there as fast as you’d like. Sometimes life has a way of eliminating things you’re not meant to hold onto.
Written By: Dóréal Quarles, Relationships Senior Editor