When a relationship comes to an end, it can be hard to find something positive about it to celebrate. However, being single is a chance to get to know yourself and the lessons learned from ex-lovers can help get you started.
1.) Deal-Breakers
Past experiences help you determine what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. For example, do you have a zero tolerance policy for cheating or can you forgive certain indiscretions? Can you handle a smoker or a man with a criminal history? If you don’t want anyone to push you over your limits, they must be clearly established.
![[Black woman reflecting]. Retrieved September 7, 2014. From: http://kingkurtissmith.wordpress.com/2014/08/01/understanding-depression-by-eating-cooked-meat/](http://everythinggl.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/rsz_1istock_000011423371xsmall_depressed_woman.jpg)
[Black woman reflecting]. Retrieved September 7, 2014. From: http://kingkurtissmith.wordpress.com/2014/08/01/understanding-depression-by-eating-cooked-meat/
We should all strive to better ourselves and previous relationships are especially great at identifying those areas that need improvement. Perhaps you’re a control freak or you need to work on being more patient. Instead of blaming yourself for the end of a courtship, fix your flaws by strengthening relationships with family, friends and co-workers.
3.) Sexual Personality
Evaluate your experience with former lovers. What really turns you on? What role does sex and intimacy play within your relationships? Once you discover your sexual self, you will feel comfortable enough to express it with pride.
4.) Status Check
If you had trouble balancing your career and your man, figure out what adjustments might be necessary to secure adequate time for both. Also, if you are not where you want to be in your life, relationships can potentially become major distractions. Use this time as a single lady to accomplish as many goals as you can so you can be confident in what you bring to the table.
5.) Rules
Your dating dilemmas can tell you whether your rules are effective or if they need to be updated. For example, if you have a tendency to rush into sex, maybe you need a 30- or 90-day rule. If you’re saving yourself for a Hollywood actor look-alike with a six-figure salary and no kids, your expectations might not be realistic. Make sure your rules make sense.
You may have walked away empty-handed, but let your experience with Mr. Wrong help you become somebody’s Mrs. Right!
By: Dóréal Quarles